Late Arrival
by sabrielfaerie
Summary: Artemis Fowl/HP crossover Artemis discovers that wizards exist and in his attempt to steal money from Gringotts he is accepted into Hogwarts
1. Chapter 1

Artemis typed in the search criteria, his fingers barely able to keep up with his mind. He glanced at the round, gold coins on his desk, he typed in the serial number of the top coin. There it was! Proof that witches and wizards existed. He sat back, fingers steepled in front of his face.  
  
"Butler." He called softly; Butler stepped out of the shadows.  
  
"Master Artemis?"  
  
"It appears we have found a whole new species to exploit and I know exactly how to go about doing it."  
  
"Artemis, you promised Holly Short that you would leave the fairies alone."  
  
"Oh no Butler. These are not fairies." He chuckled softly and swiveled the chair around so he was facing Butler. "Oh no, these are wizards and I am quite certain that the fairies will have no qualms about our, "meeting" them."  
  
"Wizards, Artemis?" This, in Butler's opinion, was the last straw. "I will have no part in this."  
  
"Oh no? He grabbed the coins in his fist and then opened his palm, the gold shone, reflecting on Artemis' bleached face.  
  
Butler restrained himself. "You promised that upon Master Fowl's return you would refrain from criminal activity."  
  
"Yes, but that was before I realised that my father would not be contributing to the family wealth. I can do this without you Butler."  
  
Butler would have liked to have turned and left the Fowl Manor right then however he knew that Artemis would go on, even without him and that his departure would throw only a small wrench into the operation. But the deeper reason, the reason that Butler knew was true, was that Artemis was not merely his boss, but his heart's brother. He sighed. "And how are we to steal money from these creatures?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ron dropped down beside Harry, his copy of the Daily Prophet tucked under his arm. "Hey 'Arry!" he said, shoveling a biscuit into his mouth. "Read this." He handed Harry the post.  
  
"Child activates flying pram, alarms Muggles in South Africa. Ron are you mad? Why do I care?"  
  
"Not that one you git, this one."  
  
"Former Gringotts goblin in league with Muggle crime lord, fairies say it's too late. Okay, so...what?"  
  
"This fourteen year old kid actually broke into Gringotts. A fourteen year old MUGGLE. And he got a ton of cash. But further down in the article it says this kid is some sort of super-genius and he's been accepted into Hogwarts. A fourteen year old MUGGLE."  
  
"If he's been accepted he's obviously not a Muggle Ron."  
  
"But he's FOURTEEN!"  
  
"You're fourteen."  
  
"Only for twenty more days."  
  
"So? Maybe this kid is only fourteen for seven more days. Who knows? So when is he coming?"  
  
"Right now." Hermione said suddenly as the doors to the Great Hall burst open. A tall man who by all means could have been half-giant stepped in, his shadow almost hiding the small dark-haired boy in front of him.  
  
"I didn't know Malfoy had a brother." Ron grumbled sourly.  
  
"Oh hush. He's far more handsome than Malfoy."  
  
"Eww! Hermione! Have you lost your mind? He's a Muggle!"  
  
"So am I!" Hermione said, tossing her pumpkin juice into Ron's face.  
  
"So if he's magical why on Earth didn't they let him in when he was eleven?"  
  
"It says somewhere in that article that he hasn't shown any signs of magic before the Gringott's incident."  
  
They looked up as Dumbledore stood. "Students! We are happy to be welcoming a new arrival, Mister Artemis Fowl II! Mister Fowl, if you will please sit on the stool, you will be sorted into your house momentarily." The boy went forward and put the hat on his head. The big man retreated to the shadows.  
  
They watched for almost five minutes before the hat screamed blankly and dropped from the boy's head. The boy sat, smiling sardonically. Dumbledore leaned down and lifted the hat from the floor and listened to it for a moment. He turned to Fowl, his eyes wide.  
  
"Well?" Artemis asked.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Artemis and Butler met with the tiny goblin on August 29th. He explained what they were to do hurriedly and Artemis handed him the money. It took them less than an hour to infiltrate the bank, remove vast funds from one of the vaults and return to the twisted alleyway.  
  
"They call that security?" Artemis said, shaking his head. "What a pity," he drawled, "That they have such beautiful building and such tiny brains."  
  
"What's money if it isn't shared?" Butler said, smiling worriedly. He wanted to get out of this alleyway. He did not like these people and he did not like that they all seemed to be staring at him and Artemis. Suddenly, from out of perhaps a thousand other people on the crowded street an owl selected them and swooped down. It did not stay long enough for Butler to wring it's neck, it merely dropped a letter into Artemis' hand and left.  
  
Artemis opened the letter lazily. The only change in his face was a slight arch in his eyebrows and a shrug as he handed the letter to Butler.  
  
Butler opened it and read the contents and looked at Artemis. "They want you to go to their school?"  
  
"Apparently. It says somewhere in that letter that they've seen some sort of late magic powers in me."  
  
"Well, are you going to accept?"  
  
"What else am I going to spend this gold on?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ron looked at the crumpled hat in Dumbledore's hands. "D'you reckon he's killed it?"  
  
"It's a hat you eejit, you can't kill a hat."  
  
"Oh you'd be surprised." Ron replied, but he did not pursue the inquiry.  
  
Across the hall children were straining their necks to see the boy, but his face was a disappointment. Instead of being shocked or even slightly taken aback he was looking rather bored with the entire production.  
  
"You'd think he would show a bit of concern. I mean he's just done what no other person in the history of Hogwarts has done."  
  
Harry studied the boy for a moment. He was small and lithe, certainly not an athlete. His face was bleached and his dark hair fell over his forehead. Harry supposed that if he was girl he would certainly consider the boy as handsome, in a weird kind of way.  
  
"I dunno, he doesn't seem very impressed with any of this. Maybe he's blind or something." Harry shrugged and took another roll.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When Artemis first showed the letter to his mother and father they had suspected forgery but Butler had eventually convinced them of it's authenticity. They had relented, allowing him to go. He purchased his supplies, bought an owl and turned up at the school on the seventh of September.  
  
He sat on the bench and put the hat on his head. This was the most ridiculous thing he had ever done in his life. When he took the hat off they would ask him to stand up, tell them his name and age and how long he had been sober.  
  
"It certainly is not!" the hat had said.  
  
"Not ridiculous? I daresay your brim has been stitched on too tightly." Artemis had read as much about Hogwarts as he could, including the hat.  
  
"Inside of me there is brains of four of the most prominent wizards and witches of all time."  
  
"How clever of them. That must be it then."  
  
"What must be it?"  
  
"Everyone here is so empty headed because of the mandatory lobotomy they get. Will you hurry up and sort me?"  
  
"Not until you change your attitude!"  
  
"What, are you the school's conscience as well?"  
  
This was a round the time that the hat started to scream. It had no idea what to do. This child had a superiority complex, a common Slytherin trait, but he was also haughty and stand-offish. Very Ravenclaw. He had a short-temper, Gryfindor all the way but he had a very Hufflepuff-ish dislike for randomness. The hat had no idea where to put him. Never before had he failed to sort someone. So the hat did the only logical thing he could think of. He died.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dumbledore stared at the hat. It was no longer the Sorting hat it was just a hat. Dumbledore sighed, he didn't miss it. The hat tended to insult him periodically through-out the year.  
  
"What do we do, Minerva?"  
  
"Well I don't know! It isn't in the handbook."  
  
"What do they do at Durmstrang?" Someone asked.  
  
"They don't have houses at Durmstrang."  
  
"We could let him pick." Someone suggested.  
  
"Well we can't let everyone pick can we? We would have no Hufflepuffs."  
  
"Is it just the hat that's died? Or have the brains died as well?"  
  
There were several moments of confusion and then, as if guided by a giant hand, all the faculty turned to look at Artemis Fowl.  
  
He smiled innocently. "Have we got everything in order?" 


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione stood up. "I have an idea Professor. If you, er, wouldn't mind."  
  
"Not at all Miss Granger, do come up here and tell us your idea."  
  
Hermione went forward. "Well, sir, I know that you have the Founders wands and I thought that, uh, well, I thought that if you performed a simple Selection charm on each wand the wand could choose." Hermione hurridly grabbed a book out of her pocket. "Because you see, it, it says, right here that,well, that wands retain the personality of their owner. So I, uh,I think it would work."  
  
Dumbledore thought for a moment. "Yes," he murmered, "yes, I suppose that would work."  
  
Hermione stepped back beside Artemis while the teachers conferred.  
  
"Brilliant. The students know more than the Professors." Hermione knew Artemis wasn't speaking to her but she could not resist the urge to reply.  
  
"Sometimes brilliant minds can over-look the most simple solutions."  
  
"Of course, I was clearly wrong to imagine that you could possibly have any form of intelligence higher than that of a dung beatle."  
  
"Well! I didn't hear you offer a suggestion!"  
  
"Oh, do forgive me. Comb your hair. Is that suggestion enough for you?"  
  
"Why you little! Humph! While you're going through classes with first years I will be with fifth years. People the same age as me."  
  
Bored, Artemis drew a sheet out of his pocket. It said that he was ready to take on a fifth year work load.  
  
"Well here's what I think about that!" Hermione said, and she made a move to tear it but it wouldn't rip. She tried again; it still wouldn't budge. "What charm have you put on it?" Hermione demanded, pushing it to the floor.  
  
Artemis shook his head. "It's laminated. Lamination is when they-"  
  
"I know what lamination is!" Hermione barked.  
  
"I was just trying to help." Artemis said in a long-suffering voice.  
  
Hermione stamped her foot and turned away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry and Ron got up and began to walk out of the Great Hall. Salazar Slytherin's wand and Rowena Ravenclaw's had just had fierce battle over who would get Fowl. Dumbledore had thrown his arms in the air and told Fowl that he would be a Slytherin by day, attending classes with Malfoy and his band, but by night he would dorm with the Ravenclaws. This seemed to be a terribly confusing arrangement to Harry but Fowl was not complaining. It didn't concern Harry, after all, so he said nothing.  
  
"What a prig! What an over-blown snot! I hate him!" Hermione joined Harry and Ron on the steps.  
  
"Not someone I know, I hope." The massive man, who could only be Fowl's butler was towering over them. He was carrying Fowl's bags up to his dorm.  
  
"N-no sir, of course not." Hermione let out a nervous little titter.  
  
The man nodded and walked past them.  
  
"You were saying something." Ron said, grinning.  
  
"Oh you be quiet! What a jerk!"  
  
"Did you hear what he said to me?"  
  
"We were a good fifty metre's away from you Hermione."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Prats." She muttered.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Artemis headed out to his first class. Double Potions with the Gryffindors. He slid into a seat next to a thin, pale boy.  
  
"Why hello, Fowl." He drew out the name. Foul.  
  
"Fowl. Pertaining to the birds, not foul, pertaining to the smell of your accomplises."  
  
"Well done Fowl. I'm impressed. My name is Draco Malfoy, this is Crabbe, and this is Goyle." He dismissed the two boys with a careless wave of his hand. "And here comes the flying circus." Artemis turned to the door where three people had entered. There was a boy, Harry Potter, the annoying girl from the night before and a red-headed boy Artemis grimaced at.  
  
"I know." Malfoy said. "Ron Weasley. Poor as dirt and twice as common."  
  
"And the girl?" Artemis said, frowning.  
  
"Hermione Granger. She can Transfigure a hedgehog in less time than it takes some people," he looked purposefully at Crabbe. "To tie their shoes. But, she cannot be expected to comb her hair."  
  
"I suggested that to her, only yesterday. She seemed quite offended."  
  
"It's probably a vitamin deficiency amongst Gryffindors."  
  
"It's probably a brain deficiency."  
  
Artemis looked up as the three of them sat down next to him.  
  
"Hello Potter. Artemis and I were just discusing deficiencies."  
  
"We have it all figured out. Weasley, you have cash deficiency, Potter, brain deficiency and of course Granger, who is attractiveness impaired."  
  
Draco looked at Artemis, his eyes wide. "Brilliant." He whispered softly.  
  
Ron made to lunge at Artemis but Harry held him back.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Fowl, a word?"  
  
Harry rubbed his fingers together nervously.  
  
"Make it quick Potter. I have things to do."  
  
"Look, you may feel that it's best to get in with Malfoy but trust me it's not."  
  
"Listen, Potter. I can look out for myself." When have you ever looked out for yourself Artemis?, he asked himself silently.  
  
"Okay, but you leave Hermione and Ron alone. I'm fair game but I swear, you leave them alone."  
  
"Where's the fun when you have permission Potter?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Artemis sat lazily in his chair. Second day of classes. Despite the fact that his computers went haywire around here he was not finding it all too bad.  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione dropped in next to him.  
  
Some people never learn, he thought abstractly as Malfoy slid into his spot.  
  
The potions master, Snape, came into the room, his robes swirling around him.  
  
"Ms Granger," he said, before the door had even had time to close behind him. "Ten points from Gryffindor."  
  
"Why?" Hermione said, her eyes wide.  
  
"Because I dislike you, I dislike your demeanor and I dislike the way your face haunts my nightmares. Take out your cauldrons-"  
  
"That was low, Profesor." Artemis said softly.  
  
"What was that Fowl?"  
  
"I said that was low."  
  
"Oh? What do you suppose you're going to do about it?" Snape smiled coldly.  
  
Hermione was gesturing at Artemis, she knew that this would not work.  
  
"I suppose I'll go to the headmaster." Artemis, for all his arrogance and self-appreciation, disliked unfairness. It was in his opinion that stacking the deck only added to his own incompetancy, and if Artemis Fowl hated anything, it was showing his own weakness.  
  
"Oh? And what are you going to say to the Headmaster?" Snape's voice was soft and threatening.  
  
"I don't need to say anything." Artemis replied, extracting a small black box from his pocket. "This will say everything it needs to." He pressed a button. Snape was still smiling, expecting the equiptment to short. But he was mistaken.  
  
Artemis allowed a small smile at their shocked expressions. "Perhaps I am not the fool you take me to be. Now, professor, if you'll excuse Ms Granger and I, we have business with the headmaster."  
  
He strode out, Hermione following behind him, before Snape could say anything.  
  
"That was very nice of you." Hermione said.  
  
"What makes you think I did it for you?" Artemis asked, not looking at her.  
  
"Oh! Well who did you do it for then?" Hermione asked, suddenly livid.  
  
"Myself." Artemis said, not diverting his eyes from their destination.  
  
"Well aren't you arrogant!" she spluttered. When Artemis didn't say anything Hermione reverted to simply shooting death glances at his back.  
  
"You might want to look ahead of you instead of staring at the back of my neck. You're about to walk into a pillar." Artemis did not even turn around.  
  
"I hate you!" Hermione burst out, immediately regretting the words.  
  
"Alright."  
  
"God! You are so annoying." Artemis said nothing, causing Hermione to get even angrier.  
  
"Would you mind not breathing so heavily? I feel like I'm being stalked by a dog in heat."  
  
This, to Hermione was the last straw. "I don't want your help!" she screamed. "Just go back to your stupid class! God, I hate you!"  
  
Artemis stopped and turned around. Hermione was suddenly scared. "I am not doing this for you," he said softly. "I do not do things for others. If this causes you to feel uncomfortable, angry, or even hateful, so be it. I do not need you to come with me, I can do things on my own."  
  
"You're horrible." Hermione said, shaking.  
  
"That was a fine assesment, can you do another?"  
  
"Do you have any friends? Any at all? Even Malfoy has friends." Hermione spat.  
  
"No, I do not have any friends, as I told you I fend for myself. People who fend for themselves do not easily make friends."  
  
Hermione looked at him, surprised. The entire speech had been delivered in a bored monotone. "You don't, you don't care?"  
  
"Caring leads to disappointment." Artemis thought to his father, unable to walk, his face scarred beyond recognition. He thought about his mother, who had cared so much she went insane, and about Butler. Butler cared and look where it got him. Servant to a child, servant to someone who steeled himself against caring.  
  
"That's a very depressing way to look at things." Hermione said.  
  
"It's more depressing to lose someone than to never have them in the first place. Can we continue on? I do not want to be late for Transfiguration."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So what did Fowl say to Dumbledore?" Ron asked in the common room that evening.  
  
"Nothing, he just pulled the recorder out of his pocket, pressed play and watched it go. And then Dumbledore looked up and Artemis nodded at him and just left."  
  
"So he didn't say anything to you?" Harry asked.  
  
"No." Hermione said. "No, he didn't say anything at all." 


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione slipped out of her bed and tiptoed into the boys' dorm. She stepped slowly, wincing as the floor creaked. She carefully lifted the lid on Harry's trunk and pulled his invisibility cloak out. She was careful not to let the lid slam. She pulled the cloak on and, moving as swiftly as she could, left the dormitories.  
  
She edged along the corridor, creeping into library. She closed the door smoothly and almost screamed when she saw Fowl sitting at one of the tables. She calmed down, remembering that he couldn't see her, and she continued into the restricted section. She alone of her friends knew of this place, at the far end of the restricted section. There was a narrow panel, perhaps fifteen centimetres wide, and a paler shade of brown than the rest of the space. She pressed in gently with her spread fingers and stepped inside. She stood still, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dim light, not daring to switch on the lamp.  
  
What Hermione didn't know was that the chances of her being found were as small as the chances of someone surviving a 5,000 metre drop into a fire pit. As a matter of fact Hermione was the only person to set foot in this room for over two thousand years. Rowena Ravenclaw, near the end of her days had created it, so that she could have a place to rest away from her students and partners. In the dimly lit room there were no walls, only shelves, filled with books.  
  
Hermione breathed deeply and flicked on the light. She gritted her teeth as the bright light suddenly filled the room. She was sure someone must have been able to see it.  
  
She had been in this room only once before. She had been searching for something; she could not remember what it was though. She had been searching for something and when she had looked at what she was sure was all the books in the section she had sighed and leaned against the wall. She had touched the panel with her fingers spread out and her arm had promptly slid through the wall.  
  
She had looked around the room briefly, but those few moments had allowed her to find out all she needed to know. The books were not ordinary books, nor were they books for the restricted section. These books taught the Unforgivable curses and had enough information about Hogwarts in them to allow Voldemort to take over the school with no problem, should he find them.  
  
Hermione knew that if there were any information to be had on what to do after the Sorting hat gave out it would be in here. She started at one end; her eyes passing over hex books and books on Unforgivable curses. She found a shelf that seemed to be all about Hogwarts and started there. The first book she picked was about secret passages, the second book was about student selection and the third book was gold. Hermione stuffed it into her robes and hurried out of the room.  
  
She almost collided with Fowl.  
  
"Tsk, tsk. You aren't to be in here at this time of night."  
  
Hermione swallowed, realising that she was not wearing the cloak. "Neither are you Fowl."  
  
Artemis smiled. "But Hermione! I'm just new! I don't know the rules yet! That was pretty good wasn't it? Would you believe I've never had acting lessons?"  
  
Hermione wanted to hurl insults at him, she wanted to slap him, she wanted to grind her heel into his patent leather shoes but she knew that the only way to get out of this was to get on Fowl's good side.  
  
"Look. Artemis. I'm sorry for what I said, I was a jerk. Please don't tell the teachers about this."  
  
"That looked painful." Artemis said, when Hermione was finished. "You nearly chocked on that one." He watched her squirm. It was quite amusing, to tell the truth.  
  
"Please Artemis," she was almost begging now. "I don't want to get expelled."  
  
Artemis looked at her pocket. There was a book in there and he had no doubt it was the key to her nervousness. He knew very well what the consequences of being in the restricted section after hours were, and he also knew that Hermione's being in that secret room would be grounds for expulsion.  
  
There was, perhaps, one thing that Artemis hated more than his own weakness. It was someone knowing something he didn't. "Alright Granger." He waited a few moments, watching her nervousness be replaced with relief and then return again when he did not let her pass.  
  
"What do you want Fowl?"  
  
"You tell me what you were doing here and I keep my mouth shut."  
  
Hermione fidgeted. She didn't know why she wanted to keep this so secret. It wasn't as though she was researching the Dark Arts or reading private records. But as much as she tried to convince herself that it was no big deal she couldn't do it.  
  
Artemis observed her distress. "I am a man of my word Granger. I will not listen to what you have to tell me and then tell others."  
  
Hermione decided she would have to trust him. She pulled the book out of her pocket and explained what she was doing.  
  
"You should take out the book on student selection too."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Student selection. It isn't directly related to the hat but if it was written by Ravenclaw then it should say something about her expectations of students."  
  
Hermione nodded slowly. "Right." She pushed the panel open again and grabbed the other book. In an attempt to be friendly Hermione asked Artemis how he was liking Slytherin.  
  
"The Slytherins are cunning but they're also stupid. They rely solely on their coniving and have no respect for intelligence. On the whole I prefer the Ravenclaws."  
  
"What about Gryffindor's?" Hermione asked, suddenly shy.  
  
Artemis looked at her.  
  
"Well?" Hermione prompted.  
  
"Tell me what you want to say and I'll say it."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione demanded.  
  
"It means that whatever I say it will offend you and I'm sick of it."  
  
"I thought you didn't care." Hermione said slyly.  
  
"I don't. So if you don't mind, I think Gryffindor's are stubborn rule-breakers. If you'll excuse me."  
  
He turned and walked out, leaving Hermione standing there, holding her book, not knowing where to go.  
  
She finally decided on Gryffindor tower. Carefully replacing the cloak in Harry's trunk she pushed back the curtain on Ron's bed and sat down, pulling it back around when she had made herself comfortable.  
  
"Ron!" she whispered urgently.  
  
"Go 'way."  
  
"Ron! Get up."  
  
He sat up slowly and blinked. "Jesus Hermione! You can't keep doing this. People will get ideas."  
  
"Maybe they wouldn't get ideas if you didn't sleep naked."  
  
"Well sorry! I wasn't dressed for company."  
  
"Keep it down."  
  
Ron rolled his eyes. "So what is so important that you felt the need to wake me up at-" he glanced at his watch. "3.00 am?"  
  
"Well, I was in the library-"  
  
"Go figure." Ron muttered.  
  
"Do you have something you need to add?"  
  
"No, go on. You will anyway."  
  
"Oh you're funny. Maybe I should just leave."  
  
"No, no. I'm awake now so you might as well keep going."  
  
"Alright. Anyway, I was getting a book and guess who I saw?"  
  
"Percy?"  
  
"Oh real funny Ron. No, I saw Artemis."  
  
"You know that's weird."  
  
"Really? Why?"  
  
"Well you don't usually see people you attend school with wandering around the halls."  
  
"Oh never mind! I was going to tell you something but just never mind!" She was disappointed when he rolled over and went back to sleep with out another word.  
  
She turned over to Harry's bed and pushed back his curtain.  
  
"Harry? Harry, wake up."  
  
He sat up immediately. "Oh hello Hermione, I wasn't expecting you." He scratched his chest. "I'm not really up to a roll in the hay right now but-"  
  
"Oh shut up Harry. Guess what."  
  
Hary's eyes went wide. "Fusing out! Fusing out!"  
  
"Oh keep it down will you? Guess."  
  
"Well really, do you want me to shut up or guess?"  
  
"Guess."  
  
"Okay. You saw Voldemort wandering around wearing a bustier and a mini-skirt, exchanging profanity with Professor Trelawney."  
  
"No. Guess again."  
  
"You saw McGonagall and Dumbledore snogging in the astronomy tower."  
  
"Can we be realistic here?"  
  
"You were looking for a book, you saw Fowl, you talked for a bit, you think he insulted you but you like him anyway."  
  
Hermione's eyes went wide and she opened and closed her mouth several times without saying anything.  
  
Harry smiled briefly. "Psycological mind trick. I can tell these things." He added.  
  
Hermione shrugged. "What's a girl to do?" 


	4. Chapter 4

"Root?" Holly stood at the entrance to Root's office, holding a stack of papers in his hands.  
  
"Come in!" Root yelled. He rolled his eyes when Holly walked in. "You again."  
  
"I have some information on Artemis Fowl-"  
  
Root cut her off. "I don't care about Fowl!"  
  
"But sir! He's been given access to magic, the world could-"  
  
Root lowered his voice until it was menacing. "I said I didn't care!"  
  
Holly's nostrils flared but she said nothing. "Very well sir. I'll be leaving now."  
  
Holly left Root's office and sat down on a chair, leafing through the papers. Fowl without magic had been dangerous, but now that he was being given access to magic, now that he was being taught how to use it. Holly didn't want to think about it. "They're only wizards, Holly." She said to herself. "They keep fairies as pets." Holly shook her head. The people were in danger, Artemis Fowl was a Mud Man no longer.  
  
Artemis sat in the library behind a large stack of books. Hermione came up behind him, glaring as she passed.  
  
"Open your eyes Granger, you look daft."  
  
Hermione sat down at the table and placed a piece of paper in front of him. On it there were the results of two IQ tests, one was hers amd one was Artemis'. They were exactly the same.  
  
Hermione waited for a moment before Artemis spoke, not even bringing his eyes up from his homework. "The questions asked on an IQ test always vary, thus you can never know whether you are receiving a proper grade. Perhaps you should find a more trustworthy testing system."  
  
Hermione's smile wavered for only a moment. She procured another slip of paper and looked at it carefully. "This paper here states that you suffer from a social impediment, is that true?"  
  
"Hand the paper over Granger." Artemis said calmly.  
  
"What if I decide not to? Perhaps I decide to make copies and put them all over the school."  
  
Artemis heaved a long-suffering sigh and pulled a small red book out of his pocket. "Then I will make copies of your diary."  
  
"Where did you get that?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Give me the psychiatric evaluation, Granger, and I'll give you the diary."  
  
"There is nothing in that diary that I don't want anyone to read."  
  
Artemis lowered his books and leaned across the table to look at Hermione. "There is enough information in here," he tapped the book, "about Ravenclaw's room to allow Voldemort's entry into the school. And you will be the one blamed. My, my Hermione, that sounds like you're aiding the Dark Side." Artemis dropped his voice another octave and leaned right in close. "And unless I'm mistaken, that constitutes a life term in Azkaban."  
  
Then he smiled, stood up and began to walk away.  
  
"But my dear Mister Fowl, you are the one who distributed the information. Sounds like you'll be sharing my cell in Azkaban."  
  
Artemis's mouth twitched, and Hermione wasn't sure whether he was smiling or frowning. "What do you say Granger, stalemate?"  
  
Hermione smiled. "Oh no, I think I won."  
  
"Draco!" Artemis called out suddenly, "I found a book!-" Hermione realised what he was doing and stopped him.  
  
"Alright. Truce." She handed him the evaluation and he passed her the diary.  
  
"So what did you do before you came to Hogwarts?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Ready for a long story?" 


	5. Chapter 5

"Did you know that Artemis is a chess master?" Hermione asked later that evening.  
  
"Great." Ron mumbled. "I thought you hated him. You were all running around trying to show him up. You made a bloody fake IQ test just so you could look as smart as him." He said in a louder voice.  
  
"He knew the test was a fake." Hermione said sourly. "But he's fluent in Russian. Isn't that neat?"  
  
"Not really." Harry said under his breath from behind his Quidditch magazine.  
  
Ron grinned at him then turned back to Hermione. "So what suddenly turned Artemis Fowl into a golden god."  
  
Hermione missed the sarcasm. "He's had a hard life. What with his father being kidnapped and all. Well and his mother went insane and he gave the faeries half of their gold back just so they'd make her better. If that's not noble-"  
  
"It would be even more noble if he hadn't stolen the money in the first place." Harry said quietly. Ron snorted and Hermione shot him a look.  
  
Ron rolled his eyes. "Wow Hermione. HALF of the money he had already STOLEN. Wow. I can see a medal of honour, a statue of him in Trafalgar square-"  
  
"A gargoyle at St Mary's-" Harry said softly.  
  
Ron laughed again and Hermione threw up her hands. "You just refuse to meet new people. Fine. Fine I don't care. I'll make my own friends." She burst angrily out of the common room.  
  
"Somehow I thought this moment would be different." Ron said, sitting down next to Harry. "Where's the balloons?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hermione found Artemis where she knew he would be, in the library. She poured out her entire, pathetic story, ending with "So then I told them I would make new friends."  
  
"Congratulations." Artemis said, not looking up from the miniature astrnomy globe that he was intent on.  
  
"Artemis!" She shrieked. "Don't you get it? Now they'll not speak to me."  
  
"Isn't that what you wanted?" Artemis asked, thinking inside about how the whole business of friends and fighting was rather tiresome.  
  
"No! Don't you get it? You're so STUPID sometimes! I wanted them to apologise. Ron especially. But they never do and now I've gone and made a mess of things."  
  
Artemis sighed and set his wand down, casting a last longing glance at the globe. "Why don't you just tell them that you made a mistake?"  
  
"Because they would laugh at me!"  
  
"So why don't you make new friends?"  
  
"Because I can't make new friends! Everyone thinks I'm a know it all. And I can't play Quidditch and I'm a Mudblood." Hermione dropped her head.  
  
Artemis sighed and scratched his nose. A major gesture coming from him. "You're right about that. However, I don't see why you can't learn to play Quidditch."  
  
"It's not easy like rounders or football!" Hermione exclaimed. Artemis decided he wouldn't tell her that he couldn't even lift a rounders bat. He pulled out a piece of paper instead and began writing some stuff down. "What's that?" Hermione asked him.  
  
"I'm measuring the speed of the ball versus-" He trailed off but continued to write. When he was finished he held up the paper in front of his face. "You can actually predict who the bludger is going to go strike." He said, astonished. "If the wind is right, judging on the speed of the main players-" He stood up.  
  
"Where are you going?" Hermione asked.  
  
"To try out for Quidditch." 


	6. Chapter 6

The crowd that came out for the Quidditch try-outs glanced up at Artemis as he entered the pitch and then turned to one another, snickering. "What are you trying out for?" Ravenclaw captain Roger Davies asked. "The Snitch?"  
  
Hermione, who had been standing behind him, winced, but Artemis merely turned the corners of his mouth up in what could have been a smile and replied, "Beater."  
  
Roger Davies, who was quite intrigued by Artemis, leaned in close to him. "You don't want to do that." He said.  
  
"Yes I do." Artemis said blandly and Davies' nose twitched.  
  
"Listen to me Art," he clapped a hand on Artemis' back and the smaller boy almost fell over, because Davies' hand was the size of a ham hock, and because no one had ever really shortened his name before. "You need to have..size, to be able to be a Beater. You don't have the strength for it. You'd be a perfect Seeker, but that position has been filled. I'm sure we could find a place for you as-"  
  
"I'm not interested in being the team water boy, Roger." Artemis cut in. "I will try out for Beater and if I am humiliated I won't say you didn't warn me."  
  
Davies sighed. "Alright Art, you can try out. I hope you won't be humiliated.."  
  
~*~  
  
So the balls went up and Artemis, head filled with calculations about wind density and heat expansion, went up with them. By the time his twenty minute try-out was done everyone had laid down their own brooms and were watching him hit bludger after bludger away from the targets, getting there, it seemed, before the balls did. Even Fred and George Weasley came over to compliment him (somewhat grudgingly.)  
  
Artemis grinned as he landed, the first real grin in his life. "How'd it go?"  
  
Davies grinned back. "Welcome to the team."  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione walked back to the castle alone. Artemis had insisted that he had homework to catch up on but Roger had made him stay to "meet the rest of the team." Though the thought chilled her, Hermione knew that deep inside she wished he had not made it.  
  
She sighed as she entered the common room, where there were streamers and Filibusters fireworks in every coner. "What's with the celebration?" She asked Harry.  
  
"Ron finally made the Quidditch team." He said, grinning and offering her a chocolate frog.  
  
She took it and watched it hop out of her hand onto the floor. "Artemis made the Ravenclaw team."  
  
"Did he?" Harry asked. "That's fantastic."  
  
"Yeah, what position does he play? Snitch?" Ron said, coming up behind them. He and Harry both roared with laughter and Hermione didn't bother to tell them that the joke was old. She got up slowly and went to her dormitories.  
  
"Hey 'Mione, wait up!" Harry called after her, but she didn't slow down and he didn't come after her.  
  
~*~  
  
"I haven't seen you outside of class in ages." Hermione said, setting her books down beside Artemis in the library.  
  
"I've been quite busy, what with Quidditch practises." He said mildly.  
  
"You practise more than Harry. You're ditching me."  
  
Artemis blinked at her. He had never had friends before and likewise her had never ditched them. He sighed. "I'm not ditching you Hermione. I am studying hard and going to Quidditch practise-" He was cut off by the arrival of Roger Davies and the rest of the Ravenclaw team who were making a big racket and congratulating each other on beating Slytherin in the morning's game.  
  
"We're going to sneak out to Hogsmeade." Roger said quietly. "You're coming with us right?"  
  
Artemis grinned and agreed, and the group of them left the library. Artemis glanced back at Hermione, but she had already taken her books and walked slowly back to the common room. 


End file.
